How to deal with departure guilt

And the statistics are mind-boggling. According to the World Mental Health Foundation, 75% to 95% of people with mental disorders in low- and middle-income countries cannot access mental health services at all. Access in high-income countries is not much better. [1]

But it is not only about access. The word ‘mental health’ still carries a stigma. It is associated with mental disorders and illness. And that even though global definitions of mental health are broader. The WHO states, “Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.” [2]

And then, there are issues of affordability of mental health services, physical limitations, lack of support systems and discrimination– all aspects that contribute to the disparity.

I am aware of my privilege in having had the opportunity to access support when I need it.

The last two years have affected all of us: Social isolation, disruption, new global and local emergencies. The resulting demands are challenging all of us – at work and life. As a coach, I have seen more requests and work on mental resilience with my clients.

I founded Prosper Abroad because I could not get the support when I needed it most. I know first-hand how important it is to talk about mental health, normalise the conversation and have resources available.

Mental health has been downplayed for too long compared to other health aspects.

We all want healthy physical bodies, yes?

Most of us do some form of exercise regularly (or want to do so).

Most of us know what we should eat to be healthy, and some of us even manage to eat healthy most of the time.

We might go to the gym, do yoga at home, or even afford a personal trainer.

We know that physical health matters.

Yet, for many of us, mental health still has not been the same priority.

I was no exception until a few years ago.

I struggled with mental health before I recognised it. That might sound odd, but I only realised my bad mental health signs after going through burnout (at work) and depression (after moving abroad).

I slowly started to recognise my good and bad mental health states.

And over the years, I learned what worked for me to maintain a positive mental state.

I am a work in progress. My mental well-being changes day by day.

Our brain has inherent wiring to sound ‘alarm’.

The amygdala, which sits in our brain, is associated with automatic survival emotions and responses. It is the part of the brain that can turn on the fight/flight/freeze response in a matter of milliseconds. It’s prone to go on alert as soon as it detects any change and assumes the worst until proven otherwise. 

Of course, it has a valuable function. For example, the amygdala alerts you when a car speeds towards you, so you can jump to safety. In a situation like this, we need the amygdala. But unfortunately, the amygdala does not distinguish between when there is actual danger whereas perceived danger.

There is more neuroscience and science I could talk about when it comes to our brain and mental well-being.

But that’s not why I mentioned it.

The fact is:

No one is spared from having a bad day.

Negative mental thoughts do not discriminate.

It’s equally important to look after your mental health – as it is to look after your emotional and physical health.

Here are my top tips on how to look after your mental well-being.

❤️ Tune into yourself a little bit more every day. Notice the changes in your thoughts, how your body feels, what emotions are coming up. Your senses are the best indication of a change in your mental wellbeing. Some of us (like me) might suffer more from verbal worries and negative thoughts. For others, it is more physical symptoms (heart racing, panic attacks, light-headedness). No two humans are the same. Learn the signs that show up for you.

❤️ Stop rejecting and resisting what you are feeling and start talking about it. Talk to someone you trust about how you feel.

❤️ Do something for yourself every day. Especially if you live overseas in a different environment. Start/keep up with activities that you enjoy – gardening, yoga, reading a book et al.

❤️ Stay connected with friends and family – this can be harder for us living abroad and our closest friends/family being back in our home country. Picking up the phone to call someone can be hard when we feel down or not in the mood. But remember that you will always feel better after talking a friend.

❤️ Stay hydrated. Stick to regular eating and sleeping habits. 

❤️ Be mindful of social media scrolling. The recent facebook whistleblower leaks demonstrate that social media algorithms are not made to protect you.

❤️ Ask for help. If you are overwhelmed and do not know where to turn, consider professional help.

❤️ Remember that this moment also shall pass. Have compassion, empathy, and acceptance for yourself. If that is hard for you, remember what I said about the amygdala. You can train your brain to access more helpful emotions and let go of the negative emotions quicker. I teach mental fitness to do just that. If you want a few concrete tips on how to do that, send me a message.