How to make the right decision?

Should I dare to start this business? Should I go for this promotion? Should I move back to my home country? What’s the better option between doing A or doing B?

In this article, I want to offer 7 thought experiments on making the right decision, even in complex situations.

And with everything in my coaching, it’s about the mind, body & spirit!

When decision-making gets painful.

Big life decisions can feel … well, big!

Sometimes you can’t tell which alternative is better. Maybe both options have an aspect of your values or things you want.

Sometimes a decision will impact those around you, a relationship or family.

And sometimes decisions that have implications that you can’t see yet. You might know your current situation is not working for you anymore, but you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.  

These decisions are a heavy backpack that you carry with you everywhere. You might end up never taking a decision, leaving life deciding for you. Or you might delegate the decision to others. Often, we for the (actually or supposedly) safer alternative. And still are, somehow dissatisfied.

 Courage is not the absence of fear but triumphs over them.”

  Nelson Mandela

Taking decisions does not mean that these should come easily. Decision-making as a skill involves deciding despite things being complicated.

We do this based on our values and beliefs. And trust in our capacity to weigh options and take the right decisions. Based on our own guard rails.

Because the right decision is the best one we make at any given moment using our whole self.

What can help us to find these guard rails within ourselves?

What considerations, tools or thoughts help us to make good decisions even in difficult situations?

I want to offer you an approximation in seven steps:

#1 The Pro-Contra List

The classic tool that helps us weigh the various options on a rational level is the pro-contra list. 

You’re likely doing that one already. But if you’ve not done it in writing, I encourage you to do that. Get it out on paper.

On one side of the paper, write down the arguments in favour of termination, separation, starting a business, or else. On the other side, write down the reasons that speak against it.

How to improve your pro-contra list?

Weight your arguments. For example, we can award points on a scale of 1-10. You give 1 point for non-important arguments; and 10 for very important arguments. Because not all aspects are equally essential for us, some arguments weigh more heavily than others.

On a scale of 1-10, how important is this aspect to me?

#2 Worst-case and best-case scenario

What’s worst? I bet you’re pretty good at that. Thinking through a significant change in our life, it’s usually relatively easy for us to imagine what could go wrong.

The trick with the worst-case scenario is to run it until the end, all the way through.

What happens in the worst case if I quit my well-paid job as a consultant, diplomat, or project manager to become self-employed in my dream job? My secure income breaks away.

And then? Maybe I don’t have any customers for now.

And then? I have to live off my savings.

And then? I may still have no customers, and the reserves are dwindling.

And then? I have to look for a job in my old profession. And look stupid in front of everyone.

And then? Maybe I can’t find a job, have to borrow money, look for a cheaper apartment or move out of my house to rent it out. And then? I might have to move back with my family. At some point, I may have to take the first job that comes along far below my qualifications to somehow earn money.

And then?

In most cases, thinking through the worst-case scenario leads to two realizations:

Even if things got bad, things would go on somehow.

Objectively speaking, it’s unlikely that everything will go wrong at every point and lead to total disaster. The worst-case scenario is classic catastrophe thinking.

Using a worst-case scenario for our decision-making can be helpful. But it’s essential to break this habit of thinking. 

So, to counterpoint the worst case, it’s essential to do the best-case scenario:

What is the best-case scenario if I quit to become self-employed in my dream job? Then I build up my business with energy and passion and become visible with my new job.

And then? I win the first customers. And then? The customers recommend me.

And then? I win more customers and can increase my hourly rates.

And then? I’m already making good money by being self-employed

And then? My business continues to grow, and I can invest my money, e.g. in an employee.

And then? 

Thinking through the best-case scenario feels unfamiliar. And it’s probably not realistic that everything always goes smoothly. But it is just as unrealistic that everything always goes wrong. Thinking through the best-case scenario brings a certain balance to the process – and apart from that, it’s just plain fun.

#3 Success guaranteed.

This is a variation of the previous one, but a good one if you have to weigh between two options.

Ask yourself: If success is guaranteed with all my options, what would you choose?

What would you choose if you could excel in every single option and handle all situations thrown at you with ease and confidence?

This thought experiment is good because it moves you beyond the fear of failure. One of our common tendencies is that we’re fearful things won’t work out. With this exercise, you allow yourself to go beyond for a moment.

#4 Try the 10/10/10 rule

Chip and Dan Heath (in their book Decisive) recommend the following approach: The 10/10/10 rule. Think about your decision in three different time frames:

    How will you feel about it 10 minutes from now?

    How about 10 months from now?

    How about 10 years from now?

This approach adds distance and detachment from the now. Because in the now, we’re often weighted down with the immediate implications of our decision.

The exercise allows you to connect with your future self and look back at your decision 10 minutes, months and years from now.

#5 Ask your body

Write the options on different pieces of paper. Put it on the ground. Stand on it. And then tune into this scenario so you experience it now.

Use all your senses: How does this option feel? What do you hear? Who are you with? What do you say?

And then notice: Is there tension anywhere in your body? Or does your body relax? Maybe you smile? What are the first thoughts that come to mind?

When we allow ourselves to experience the option, our body can connect to our intuition and gut feeling. It allows you to put the mind aside just for that moment.

#6: What kind of person do I want to be?

In her Ted Talk “How to make hard choices“, Ruth Chang argues that without objective reference points, we must look within and ask ourselves who we want to be.

“So when we face hard choices, we shouldn’t beat our head against a wall to figure out which alternative is better. There is no best alternative. Instead of looking for reasons out there, we should look for reasons in here: Who am I to be? You might decide to be a pink sock-wearing, cereal-loving, country-living banker, and I might decide to be a black sock-wearing, urban, donut-loving artist. What we do in hard choices is very much up to each of us.”

Your life is a sum of your decisions up to this point.

With any new choices you make from today, you decide which person you want to be tomorrow.

What person do you want to be tomorrow?

And which decision does take you there?

We regret no decision more than the decision to do nothing. Bonnie Ware, a palliative nurse who has counselled the dying, has identified the 5 top regrets of the dying.

The top regret? Living the life others expected of you.

When you make decisions, you show yourself that you can act and shape your life.

You do something for yourself. You increase your self-efficacy (i.e. your confidence in the ability to exert control over your motivation, behaviour, and environment).

And that makes you feel good.

So it’s worth discovering who you’re, how you can stay true to yourself  – and which decisions help you become the person you want to be tomorrow.

If you want to discover the kind of person you want to be, book a 45 min discovery call to discuss how I can support you. I help you make the right decisions and a realistic plan and path to where you want to go.

Book a 45 min discovery call to discuss how coaching can support you. We’ll discuss your biggest challenge, what overcoming this might look like and if my coaching is a good fit—no strings attached.