How to step out of your comfort zone
Do you want to be the person that steps out of their comfort zone to get what they want?
One of my current coaching clients set her coaching goal to consistently ‘step out of her comfort zone’ and dance with that fear and uncertainty that comes with it.
The thing is: most of my clients are highly ambitious and eager to expand their skills, knowledge, and experience to go after what they want in life. And for the most part, they already have a history of stepping into their growth zone in multiple ways. Often, they’ve moved abroad to take on a new leadership role, started their own business, or re-defined a new life chapter after moving abroad for their partner/spouse.
But the thing with the comfort zone is: As we learn and grow, so does our comfort zone, i.e., the zone we feel safe and in control. It shifts. And new life areas emerge where we want/need to learn and grow more to get what we want in life.
How can you consistently step out of your comfort zone?
You might finally feel the pull to change careers, industries, or jobs after a long stint at your current employer/job. Or the pandemic might have brought home to you all the things you always wanted to do but never did. Whether this is to start improv, play theatre, start a new language, give public talks, go to more networking events, go para shooting …. You name it ..
Let me remind you what keeps us from stepping out of our comfort zone, what we can do about it, and how to make it easier. It’s based on Andy Molinksy’s work in this area.
As someone who has stepped away from a corporate career and embraced freelance consulting and entrepreneurship while moving to a new country, I can relate to so much of what Andy writes and talks about.
Andy Molinski’s research shows that five psychological traits prevent you from stepping out of your comfort zone.
It is important to note that these are not logical things. Logically, you might be able to argue them away, but psychologically, they unconsciously stop you from acting on those uncomfortable things.
These are:
Authenticity: You don’t feel authentic when you think about starting to do something you have not done before. And because you feel inauthentic, you are less likely to do it.
Competence: Deep down you feel and know that you aren’t competent at it from the outset. And you feel this will be obvious to others. And who wants to be seen as incompetent?
Resentment: You might feel resentful by having to step out of your comfort zone in the first place. You might think: Why is my natural way not good enough?
Likeability: You think that others might not like the new version of you.
Moral Compass: You might have to do something that is against your ethics or morals in the process.
Take a moment and think about a past or future situation where you want(ed) to step out of your comfort zone.
Maybe you want to start networking more to find a new job or start your own business. Or maybe you want to find a business partner or investor, but it’s something you do not even know where to start with.
Can you name one or two of the above psychological traits that have prevented you from ‘just going for it?
Three strategies can help you to act despite these traits.
Andy calls them: Conviction, Customisation and Clarity.
1. Conviction
Remind yourself (best in writing) what the strong reason is that you want or need to do it.
Maybe you want to be known for being that person that goes after their dreams, and that’s the conviction you need to pull you forward.
Maybe you want to meet a new life partner or make new friends, and you know that the only way to do so, is to put yourself out there and meet new people.
2. Customisation
I personally love this one so much. When I work with clients, I believe in taking ‘small’ but consistent steps that cumulate over time (rather than trying to do the one big thing all at once).
Andy’s theme of ‘customisation’ is similar in a way but with a different angle to it: Look at small ways to make yourself feel a bit more comfortable while doing the new action/habit. This could be a way to do things or a prop that might instil confidence.
For example, you want to do more public speaking. But you are afraid of giving a straight-up talk into a microphone. So how can you set the context in a way that helps you, e.g. be on a panel or in Q&A setting instead?
Or let’s go with the networking example: If you are anxious about walking into a big crowd of people, come to the event early when there are still only a few people at the event. At that point, the event is more intimate and smaller and it will feel less intimating.
3. Clarity
The third one concerns how our brain operates: It has a negativity bias. Most people tend to catastrophise everything, seeing everything from the worst perspective. This thinking tends to increase anxiety.
So, what can you do?
Answer the three questions:
What’s the worst that can happen?
What’s the best thing that can happen?
And then ask yourself: What’s the most likely scenario that will happen?
Now you have three strategies at hand. For your situation, think through the three steps – and then make a manageable plan.
Lastly, a few practices make stepping out of your comfort zone that much easier over time.
Implement a thoughtful practice that lets you grow that new skill/etc over time. For example, start participating in panel discussions, then some Q&As before you sign up for your first TED talk. Don’t shoot straight for that TED talk if that is out of your comfort zone right now.
Have a ‘forcing mechanism’ by committing to it publicly or to someone else. The important thing is that this person is genuinely holding you accountable. This could be a friend. Or your coach.
Keep a learning frame of mind: Always be thinking through what you can learn from situations – small and big. This allows you to always improve and see events not as failures but as opportunities to improve and grow.
Have a healthy support system: Put in place a system that supports you on the journey. That’s where I come in. As a coach, I have been trained to listen to what gets in your way – the limiting and limiting thinking patterns that hold you back. I help you define your comfort zone, and help you define what stepping 2% outside of your comfort zone would look like. I support you in getting clear on your conviction, customisation, and clarity. But most importantly, I am your friendly ‘forcing mechanisms’ (aka accountability partner) that stands behind you no matter what. I know what you want to achieve, and I will be 200% there for you to make that happen – even if that means giving you a gentle push.
Do you want to be the person who steps out of their comfort zone to pursue what they want?
If so, think through the five psychological traits, three strategies and four practices and then make a manageable plan to act on your intention.
If you’d like some thinking help, get in touch and we can explore if and how coaching can support you.
